U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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