Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Randomize
