Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
