she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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