i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
