that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize