So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
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