After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
