Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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