every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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