Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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