Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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