Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
