woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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