You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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