Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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