It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
