The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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