i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
