I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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