I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
