I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
