Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
