Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
