You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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