When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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