So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize