Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
