ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
