i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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