tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize