i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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