I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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