Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
