Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize