you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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