Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
