They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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