So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
