I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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