dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
