my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
