I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
