In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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