i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize