She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
