And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
