Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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