I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
