Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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