She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My vagina just recognized that song.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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