I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
