He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
