I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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