New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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