I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
