so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize