I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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