I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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