neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
