Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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