he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We had to coat check the pizza.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
