he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
