i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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