Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
