dude i'm inner monologue high
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
