When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
